Happy.

I am a positive person generally. I am also opinionated and like to think logically and rationally. I like to see the good in all things, even in worst-case scenarios. I often get asked how I can I smile and laugh everyday, how can I breathe, move on, keep from going crazy...

I'm going to let you in on a secret, well a few secrets. 

First, life is what you make of it. If I shut down and stop breathing, moving, smiling, laughing, I would lose myself. I would lose my family. I didn't lose my daughter completely. I lost my time with her here, but I believe in heaven and know that I will have eternity with her some day. Even though I miss her every second of everyday, I still have SO MUCH to live for! Count your blessings folks. 

Second, I don't move ON. I move forward. Moving on to me sounds like forgetting, brushing it under the rug. I will NEVER forget Izzie. I will never forget any obstacle I've had to overcome to get to this point. Move FORWARD and don't stop. 

Third, Life is GOOD. If you just take a minute and breathe the fresh air in, let life consume you, just for that minute you will know exactly what I'm talking about. Stop being so negative. Stop whining about migraines, lack of sleep, money, petty fights, etc. If you have so much negativity in your life, get it out, even if that means cutting out friends and sometimes family. Life is what you make of it. If you surround yourself by "heavy" people that are human Eeyore's boot them out, you don't need them. You create your own happiness. 
Personally I try to surround myself with people that will push me and challenge me to constantly be better and do more. Strong people. People that can teach me and I can teach them. Friendship, like every other relationship is about give and take. 

My Grandfather, whom I have never met, suffered from PTSD (he was WWII veteran) and he told his children to never let the darkness consume you. To me it means, even if you have to fight everyday to find the light, do it. Or else you're going to drown. Whining, and poor me, and excuses are weak. You are better than that. 

My Father, who was not really ever a "Dad" taught me to never apologize for who you are. Be true to yourself. And he was. He was most honest with himself always, even if he didn't say it out loud, at least in my opinion. 

I struggle. Sometimes, well most of it the time it is easier to cry and CHOOSE not to stop. I have to actively and loudly say to myself that I choose to not be sad, to be happy, to enjoy the life I have. To celebrate the life Izzie had. To be grateful that she has never felt pain, or heartbreak, that she has only felt unconditional love and still feels it. She is always with me. Always will be. 

Stop making excuses people and just be happy.